I Am Still Alive...Sorta!

I forgot how training for a new distance is painful, both physically and mentally. If I recall, I was barely able to scale the stairs after running 13.1 miles for the first time.Yet, here I am, frustrated that my ankles hurt after a 4 hour run through trails that I've never traveled before. I feel weak when my knee keeps hurting or my feet keep throbbing after doing marathon distances every weekend. I am stressed when I can't meet a certain time goal because I am exhausted from the 24 mile long run the day before.

I have set unrealistic expectations for myself when in just a matter of weeks, I will be attempting to run double the distance I have maxed at. Why can't I just pat myself on the back and say "Lindsey, look at all you are doing? This is AMAZING! So many people would have given up at the first sign of discomfort, but you are pushing through!"

I need to appreciate what I can do rather than what I can't. I need to acknowledge the pain as something which is reshaping both my body and mind. I mean, if running 50 miles were easy, everyone would be doing the JFK 50 miler, right?

So as much as I have been back and forth on the thought, I know today that I will be in the square of Boonsboro, MD at 5:00 am on November 21st. I may not finish with a great time, but my goal is simply to finish. I don't care if I am crawling across the finish line at the 14 hour cutoff, I just want to finish. I want to hang that medal and remember that the blood, sweat, and tears was worth that experience.

Then...I am taking a well-deserved month long break.